Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #53

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Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.

Posted by Simmons at 2:35 PM 0 comments  

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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #52

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As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."

Posted by Simmons at 2:31 PM 0 comments  

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Monday, April 28, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #51

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Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Posted by Simmons at 7:53 AM 0 comments  

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Saturday, April 26, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #50

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There are three legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, and Chuck Norris.

Posted by Simmons at 7:53 AM 0 comments  

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Friday, April 25, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #49

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Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.

Posted by Simmons at 7:53 AM 0 comments  

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Thursday, April 24, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #48

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Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter scale.

Posted by Simmons at 7:53 AM 0 comments  

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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #47

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According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

Posted by Simmons at 7:53 AM 0 comments  

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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #46

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Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.

Posted by Simmons at 7:53 AM 0 comments  

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Monday, April 21, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #45

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When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the above the horizon.

Posted by Simmons at 7:53 AM 0 comments  

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Saturday, April 19, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #45

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Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.

Posted by Simmons at 3:00 PM 0 comments  

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Friday, April 18, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #44

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There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Posted by Simmons at 3:24 PM 0 comments  

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Thursday, April 17, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #43

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Nine out of ten scientists agree that Chuck Norris, not the Big Bang, created the universe. The tenth scientist has never been found.

Posted by Simmons at 4:21 PM 0 comments  

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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #42

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Jesus wears a bracelet that says, “What would Chuck Norris do?”

Posted by Simmons at 4:06 PM 0 comments  

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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #41

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CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

Posted by Simmons at 4:20 PM 0 comments  

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Monday, April 14, 2008

Chuck Norris Fact #40

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A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Posted by Simmons at 5:34 PM 0 comments  

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Saturday, April 12, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #39

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Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Posted by Simmons at 6:38 AM 0 comments  

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Friday, April 11, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #38

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They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

Posted by Simmons at 2:30 PM 0 comments  

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Thursday, April 10, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #37

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The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard.

Posted by Simmons at 4:24 PM 0 comments  

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Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #36

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TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.

Posted by Simmons at 5:16 PM 0 comments  

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Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #35

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Chuck Norris ate a 10 pound steak in an hour. He spent the first 55 minutes banging the waitress.

Posted by Simmons at 4:18 PM 0 comments  

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Monday, April 7, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #34

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Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

Posted by Simmons at 2:56 PM 0 comments  

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Sunday, April 6, 2008

Exclusive Chuck Norris Joke #5

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Every Sunday, we feature an exclusive Chuck Norris joke only seen here. They may not be as good as the old classic ones, but hopefully they'll be decently funny.

Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks them in the face.

Posted by Simmons at 6:44 AM 0 comments  

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Saturday, April 5, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #33

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Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Posted by Simmons at 5:47 AM 0 comments  

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Friday, April 4, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #32

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If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Posted by Simmons at 5:29 PM 0 comments  

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Thursday, April 3, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #31

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A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

Posted by Simmons at 3:44 PM 0 comments  

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Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #30

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It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Posted by Simmons at 3:07 PM 0 comments  

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Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #29

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The leading causes of the death in the United States: 1. Heart attack 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

Posted by Simmons at 2:14 PM 0 comments  

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