Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #87

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Unlike Mr. T, Chuck Norris doesn't pity the fool. He roundhouse kicks him.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #86

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Chuck Norris writes only in the first person because that's the only person that matters to anyone.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #85

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Chuck Norris can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #84

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Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #83

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Chuck Norris wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #82

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Chuck Norris took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #81

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Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #80

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Chuck Norris came before the chicken and the egg.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #79

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Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chuck Norris says.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #78

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Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #77

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Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #76

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Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #75

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Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #74

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Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #73

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Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #72

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Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #71

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When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #70

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M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #69

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Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #68

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Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #67

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Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #66

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Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #65

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Mr. T once tied Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #64

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Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #63

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Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #62

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When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #61

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Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #60

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Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #59

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Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #58

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Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #57

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Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #56

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Some people piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #55

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Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #54

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Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #53

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Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #52

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As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."

Monday, April 28, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #51

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Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #50

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There are three legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, and Chuck Norris.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #49

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Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #48

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Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter scale.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #47

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According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #46

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Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #45

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When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the above the horizon.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #45

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Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #44

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There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #43

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Nine out of ten scientists agree that Chuck Norris, not the Big Bang, created the universe. The tenth scientist has never been found.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #42

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Jesus wears a bracelet that says, “What would Chuck Norris do?”

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Chuck Norris Joke #41

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CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Chuck Norris Fact #40

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A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.